Confessions of a Pigeon hater

Most of them look at me like they've encountered a serial murderer, when i tell them i hate pigeons. Now in a country where pigeons are fed to become obese to appease innumerable Gods, there is a general feeling that i am committing moral as well as religious suicide with my confession. C'mon crows are better options than pigeons, they don't do Public Displays of Affection (PDA) in front of little kids playing near your window. Where does that entire ruckus about sex education go? Out on the window! What reason can you possibly come up with? Tell them the pigeons are doing weight training or that is pigeon WWF, see the one on top is Khaleel the bottom one is Undertaker.

I hate the sound it makes; I hate it so much that i don't want to type it! I hate the way it stares me down, as if I am the reason his mate turned lesbian. Dangerous liaisons occur in the pigeon kingdom too...but why the hell on my window? Go do it in the White House, as it is they symbolise peace (I reckon replacing a condom instead of an Olive branch, will do wonders for world peace). I hate the very fact that how can people live with its shit and feed it make more shit, no wonder Arctic ice melt is directly proportionate to the shit it shits.

I am gladly willing to work for ISRO or DRDO for free if they are into development of Pigeon Missile Technology. I am willing to share my idea for free on how to use pigeons for the protection of the country by using their shit as the war head. Surefire way to annihilate the scum across the border. Or perhaps we can send men covered in pigeon shit as cross border terrorists...these are some ingenious ways to use that impertinent bird of peace. This way pigeon will become a protected bird since there would be a decline in their numbers owing to their use in defense purposes. We will have Pigeon Sanctuaries, Pigeon Preservation centers... That would also take care of the extreme anger and violence that I feel when I look at the red legged avian.

I will no longer be spied upon like I am the commander of the guerrilla army of Cats. That would actually be a feast for my eyes…a round of hysterical laughter follows…with more ways to exterminate the Bird of Peace.

Kurukshetra in Virtualkshetra

I had been wanting to write about this thing ever since i came across this article in TOI aeon's ago. Let me warn you there are lapses of memory hence the details are broken (nothing new though). It had this article which said that Pandavas were sons of Kunti and Vidur, and not exactly seeds of several Gods. Blasphemy! But i stand by it...how else could they be born? Pandava was impotent, Kunti was libidinous (remember Karna?) and it was written by some scholarly woman in early 1970's (it was around the era of Led Zep). Predictably our Indian Govt did what it did best, the book was banned.

I tried in vain to find out the name of that woman who wrote this version of Mahabharat and caused Mahabharat...Google God didn't come to my rescue this time :-(. I swear to the atheist God that i read...i read that damning article one sunday afternoon and jumped around like a monkey. It was the coolest and the most truest thing (i think) i ever read. I called my friends, told my folks who were at first stunned and then tried to put some Godly gyaan into my loony head saying 'Girl you will be shot dead by VHP!'.

As if i cared, all i cared about was finding that woman who is supposedly now living abroad and doing research (probably on Kunti & Vidur ;-)). She is blissfully unaware about the Mahabharat she caused in my life. I caught hold of every Tom, Dick and Harry (even someone i met like 5 mins back) and gave them this controversial gyaan just to see how they reacted :-P. I gave them hard facts as i knew it and asked them to provide me the most authentic version (now that's like finding needle in a haystack) of Mahabharat if they are really hell bent to prove me wrong.

Now Mahabharat is supposed to be the longest epic poems in the world till date. The Gita is revered by every Hindu (even the Wachowski brothers made Matrix out of it) on this planet and is considered to be revelation about life/truth by God himself. None would dare to raise a finger on Vyasa's adaptation of this epic, his version is supposed to be authentic. Coming to the big question, are we really reading the exact version of Ved Vyas? Since none of the versions available today can be said to be the right one. Ask any historian, researcher...history is never true!

Now why am i trying to malign Kunti you must be thinking? Well, for one thing i know, she was one hell of a lady. An impotent king for a husband, a kingdom which never belonged to him she had 5 sons with his permission, 1 before she got married (God knows about it!). Anyways the major thing here is, along with Draupadi (another fiesty lady with 5 husbands) she made Pandavas Kings of Hastinapur, which never really belonged to them. She is "The Woman" who made this epic. Had it not been for her, we'd never have had the fortune to ever read this engrossing epic which is revered by almost every hindu family. Not to forget the hugely successful TV serial it spawned, people it is said used to break coconuts whenever they saw Nitish Bhandari (Krishna) on screen.

I try day in day out to try to find out the unknown Lady's version of Mahabharat, i hope Gooogle God wakes up one fine day and throws up the Lady's name. So, next time i am in a battle regarding the mahabharat i know i can throw her into the field :-D.

PS: I think i've read she worked for ASI, hence she could gain access to many versions of mahabharata.

Disclaimer: Don't blame me if i hurt your sentiments. Blame TOI!