Friday, June 20, 2008

Confessions of a Pigeon hater



Most of them look at me like they've encountered a serial murderer, when i tell them i hate pigeons. Now in a country where pigeons are fed to become obese to appease innumerable Gods, there is a general feeling that i am committing moral as well as religious suicide with my confession. C'mon crows are better options than pigeons, they don't do Public Displays of Affection (PDA) in front of little kids playing near your window. Where does that entire ruckus about sex education go? Out on the window! What reason can you possibly come up with? Tell them the pigeons are doing weight training or that is pigeon WWF, see the one on top is Khaleel the bottom one is Undertaker.

I hate the sound it makes; I hate it so much that i don't want to type it! I hate the way it stares me down, as if I am the reason his mate turned lesbian. Dangerous liaisons occur in the pigeon kingdom too...but why the hell on my window? Go do it in the White House, as it is they symbolise peace (I reckon replacing a condom instead of an Olive branch, will do wonders for world peace). I hate the very fact that how can people live with its shit and feed it make more shit, no wonder Arctic ice melt is directly proportionate to the shit it shits.

I am gladly willing to work for ISRO or DRDO for free if they are into development of Pigeon Missile Technology. I am willing to share my idea for free on how to use pigeons for the protection of the country by using their shit as the war head. Surefire way to annihilate the scum across the border. Or perhaps we can send men covered in pigeon shit as cross border terrorists...these are some ingenious ways to use that impertinent bird of peace. This way pigeon will become a protected bird since there would be a decline in their numbers owing to their use in defense purposes. We will have Pigeon Sanctuaries, Pigeon Preservation centers... That would also take care of the extreme anger and violence that I feel when I look at the red legged avian.

I will no longer be spied upon like I am the commander of the guerrilla army of Cats. That would actually be a feast for my eyes…a round of hysterical laughter follows…with more ways to exterminate the Bird of Peace.

8 comments:

Unknown said...

omg! how can any one hate these sweet birds!!!

Matangi Mawley said...

:D working with ISRO for free..??? wow! u must really hate pegions..

viji paul said...

even me..
the reason why i dont like pegions coz, the bird looks good but has irittating sound and very dump looks in their eyes.. my 3 year old son shit scared of them coz, their noise :).. i made many cartoons about birds and animals, you can see some of them in my blog.
i will follow your blogs for sure

Kalpana said...

@grey...

I do...

@Matangi

I will work for free.

@Toonist

Birds of same feather hate together :P

Ilustrademe said...

life has this random shits going on and on and on...

I have just been randomly called pigeon hater by an american friend on my facebook. English is not my mother tongue, so i really dont know if it has some racist connotation or something, so in my great shiny ignorance i just googled "pigeon hater", wich took me to your blog.

Then again, my mother is a highschool math teacher in some shitholes in argentina, where everybody is poor and much more the people going to this schools.

Today she just randomly told me that some of her students are so poor that they hunt down your beloved birds with slingshots and then take them home to their families and eat them, like in a barbecue or something, saying specially the breast is really tasty.

I always thought of them as nasty annoying dicease carrying flying rats (even though that definition would also aply to bats), but this people just keeps eating them and not dying, not even getting sick, so they are the living proof that the motherfuckers are edible.

So, my point is, I am not going to eat them, neither will you or my mom, but being so hated and all we could just turn every fucking pigeon into food and then poor african people would have much more energy to escape from the lions and swim across gibraltar all the way to spain to seek a better future with no lions and a lot of tourist to steal from...

just a thought from a big shithead :)

Ilustrademe said...

so... I dont want to be a freak but 2 more pigeon random coincidences just came to my mind 2 seconds after that stupid comment I made

1) yesterday in a really important final match in the argentinian football league some player killed a pigeon with the ball, they where fucking around in the field during the match

2) I have a pigeon nest with the mother and the babys just outside my kitchen, in the fan exit, nest branches in between the fan and little baby pigeons there too, just one button away of being mutilated like a family... but I wont do it this time, karma would put my balls in that very same fan somehow

the snake said...

I have a similar unbridled hatred towards pigeons, having suffered them far too long.
Don' you hate the buggers when they get into the house through the tiniest openings, yet can't get out through a missing wall when shooed?

Anonymous said...

hahahaah... dat was hilarious rant